Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
