did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They have beer where we have blood.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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