I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the day after is always just damage control
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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