ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
