The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
