can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Congratulations! We have a period
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