is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
