Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
