I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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