Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
