if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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