Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
