it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
