Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
