My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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