no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
