Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
