Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
