I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize