FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
