But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
