i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
