he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
