oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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