I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
