I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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