I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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