I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
