and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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