why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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