My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
