I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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