I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
