I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
God, I missed his penis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
