i just google imaged poop.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
