you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
