There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
