This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
