I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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