So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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