I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
