Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
