Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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