fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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