just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
