It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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