I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
