I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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