You can't motorboat a personality
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize