i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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