he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
