dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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