Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
These tits shall not be calmed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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