I wish they made helmets for livers.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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