**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
