SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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