I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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