I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
