Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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