If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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