it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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