OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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