I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
