You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
