I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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