My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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