so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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