dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
