I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
