I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
