Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
